Since my first post on my efforts to lose weight, I saw a definite and positive shift in my eating and exercise. I was eating less and feeling more satisfied. More importantly I was liking my food choices, not from a mental place of “this is what I should be eating” but from a body place of feeling nourished by my food. I was also exercising well and starting to feel stronger. And I was enjoying and looking forward to my exercise time, an indicator that good brain chemistry like serotonin was increasing.
I felt thinner. The temptation to get on the scale at this point was pretty strong. I knew from the past that if I did, and I hadn’t lost anything I could end up sabotaging my efforts. So I resisted my desire to get on the scales. I did ask a friend if I looked thinner (not much was the reply, although more nicely stated than that). And when I saw some people I hadn’t seen for about a month, they did not comment on my new thin self either.
Maybe what I was feeling was not so much about being thinner but being lighter. Besides better eating habits and exercise, several things were contributing to that. Starting this post series and getting some very encouraging remarks from known and unknown readers was extremely heart warming and supportive (thank you all!) Writing about Will Power versus Spiritual Resolve, reminded me to use a great tool that I had developed a while back.
I also wrote a post for a group writing project that was emotionally challenging for me called My Top Five Life Traumas and What I learned From Them. In choosing my top five, I came to the realization of just how much trauma I’ve experienced in my life. I still feel sad at the thought of them all. Some of the traumas I’ve experienced that were not on the list were horseback riding accidents (including tangling with a barb wire fence at the age of 8. The fence won and I ended up with a huge scar on my leg), two c-sections and one hysterectomy, and the family home burning down, which I was living in at the time. The last one lost us a family pet and almost all of our belongings but not our lives. It took me all day to write the post, as I was calibrating residual emotions still linked to those traumas. But in the end I felt lighter AND the blog has grown larger because of the project. Exactly what I had asked for in my first post.
I have come to the realization that at different times in my life, I have overeaten for different reasons. Every decade I have tackled and mastered these reasons. Here they are:
- In my 20s, I was emotionally stuffing.
- In my 30s, I was trying to establish psychic space and grounding.
- In my 40s, I overate from stress, physical pain and exhaustion.
This Week’s Ah Ha!
Now in my 50s, I’m noticing a new trend. There seems to be an energetic cause. As a teacher and leader of spiritual retreats and classes, I hold energy for a great number of people, as they move through a process. This was brought to my attention in several ways. A friend and student of CCT wrote me a fabulous comment about The Great Weight Loss Experiment, joining in support and also her desire to lose weight as well. She reminded me that last year when she asked me about her weight gain, I had remarked that it had to do with her taking on responsibility for groups of people where she worked. In a healing class that I just finished teaching, I watched as a larger woman worked with her fellow classmate and saw her take on the weight of responsibility for the receiver’s well-being while he was in a process of healing. This is a stance of spiritual integrity, yet for me and others it can carry a backlash with it.
In our language we talk about the “weight of responsibility.” I have been blessed by many spiritual gifts (as everyone has, although some of them are lying dormant.) But in my healing and teaching work, these spiritual gifts carry a weight of responsibility to use them correctly and with integrity. I willingly accept this responsibility, weighted or otherwise, but in a future post I want to explore how to shift this energetic stance to a lighter one.
As I was exploring the above, I realized something new. In my classes I don’t hold myself back. I offer all that I know. If someone doesn’t find these teachings or healings helpful, then I respect free will and choice and their discernment not to use what’s offered. But, if someone summarily rejects those gifts because they are scared, shut down or too arrogant in their mental stance, that rejection rebounds on me and causes tremendous pain throughout my energetic and emotional body. Physically it shows up as fatigue while emotionally it shows up as grief and sadness, both known for creating a heavy feeling throughout the body. This has lead me to eat and eat and eat some more!
In working with these feelings I do several things that help. I am now more conscious of the pattern and can choose other options besides eating to deal with it. I acknowledge and calibrate my feelings of sadness. And I receive the orphaned spiritual gifts and teachings at my solar plexus or personal level. I also ask for a karmic healing of all those times I have rejected someone else’s spiritual gifts. Finally, I express appreciation to the student in my class who taught me this.
Complete, I can look to the future, happy to be returning home and my healthy routine.
Copyright © 2007 gia combs-ramirez. All rights reserved.