When I was a child, I ran free as a wild horse in the wilderness of Montana mountains. I never felt alone and was incredibly happy and joyful. In the summer after I turned 10, I nearly drowned when I was trapped under a log while inner tubing in the nearby creek. My life after that slowly changed. I started 4th grade and was incredibly unhappy. I felt lost and alienated from the world. In a journal that I kept during that year, my entry every day for the first month of school said something like, “I hate school.” Sometimes I elaborated with, “I really, really hate school.” After a month I stopped writing. How many times can you repeat the word hate? In the ensuing years I never again reclaimed that amazing oneness of nature and spirit.
Fast forward 25 years later. I attended a 10 day retreat that focused on teaching us how to lead circles. One of the exercises that we did was called “Singing Your Song Until Your Song Sings You.” In groups of 4, we took turns singing. The only rule was that you didn’t stop singing until…the song sang you. No one was quite sure what that meant. When asked how long we were to sing, the answer was “as long as it takes.” It took me two hours. As I sang about whatever random thoughts came up in my mind, different emotions would surface and pass on. There was a lot of grief that was processed. Eventually I began singing about my childhood—riding horses in the meadows, playing in the creek, and building secret hiding places in the willows. I began to sing about the amazing sense of oneness I had felt as a child. Finally, I sang only one word—One. Over and over again, I sang it until it sounded like it was being sung from my heart, not my throat. Suddenly I stopped. All I could hear was the wind, trees and birds outside the window. And it was the sound of One. Later that night, I danced with joy with everyone. I felt whole again.
Several weeks after that amazing retreat, I awoke in silence. This caught my attention. In the silence, I realized that my first thought every day for 25 years had been, “I hate myself.” Imagine! I didn’t even know I had been thinking that, until the day I stopped thinking it. After that I felt joyful and once again part of the world, all the time. The inner voice inside of me was always about joy and love. My life began to change and the most amazing things happened to me. I went through many challenges, but I never felt alone and always I could find this place deep inside of me that seemed to feed me joy.
I thought this was something that was unique to me. Then about 6 years ago, I read Philip Pullman’s book, The Golden Compass (which was made into a movie last year). In Pullman’s fictional world, everyone has what he calls a daemon. This companion or guardian, unique to each person, provided wisdom and guidance, while never being domineering or authoritarian. There was an amazing energetic connection between each person and their daemon. In one of Pullman’s books in the trilogy, the heroine Lyra gets separated from her daemon when she has to cross over a lake into the land of the dead. The description of the suffering that Lyra goes through in the ensuing separation completely captivated me. It felt familiar and very deja vu, but I didn’t understand why.
Fast forward to a month ago. I began working at night with the Akashic Records. It took me a while to know I was doing that as I don’t always consciously recall where I’ve been at night. During the day, however, I was beginning to recover some very interesting information that was arising from the Akashic Records. One piece of information was about what I began to call the Spirit Ally. This Being or separate consciousness is what gives me joy and a sense of connection. Joy isn’t just an emotion for me, but a feeling that arises from the a reciprocal relationship with a consciousness deep within me. It responds to me and guides me. It’s not me, but is a part of me. It is the source of deep knowing that I could never explain to people when they ask me, “How do you know that?” That’s when I began revisiting my past to see how long I have had my Spirit Ally, when I lost it and how I got it back again.
Then the last piece of information came in. Everyone can have a Spirit Ally! In fact, the ancient Greek philosopher, Socrates, claimed to have one. I began looking around at people closest to me to see if they had one. My daughter has one and has never lost hers. My son didn’t have one now, but had one until he was two. I immediately did a healing session with him to help him recover and reconnect to his Spirit Ally. I feel him being protected in a deeper way now.
Lately, I have been having fun communicating more consciously with my Spirit Ally. After a lifetime of not fully understanding this unique spiritual relationship, I am thrilled to now be able to consciously explore and play with this wonderful inner relationship.
If this post resonates to you, and you would like to recover your Spirit Ally, please check Healing Resources on my blog for ordering the Spirit Ally Healing Meditation CD.
Copyright © 2008 gia combs-ramirez. All rights reserved.